How to Communicate Assertively at Work… Without Burning Bridges
Working as a psychologist and leadership coach, I regularly see people struggling with assertive communication across all levels of the workplace. Some worry that being direct will damage relationships or make them look uncooperative. Others swing the opposite way, coming across as overly blunt or even aggressive when trying to assert themselves.
But true assertiveness isn’t about dominance or control. It’s about being clear, calm, and respectful, especially when setting boundaries or navigating tension.
In psychology, assertiveness sits right between passivity and aggression. Passive communicators often stay silent to avoid conflict, even when their needs are being ignored. Aggressive communicators prioritise their own needs at the expense of others. Assertiveness, however, allows people to express themselves honestly while still respecting the rights and perspectives of those around them.
So, how can you build assertiveness as a skill in the workplace? Here are five practical strategies I often share with clients who want to communicate more effectively - without burning bridges.
1. Use “I” Statements
Instead of: “You never include me in decisions.”
Try: “I feel left out when I’m not consulted. I’d like to be more involved.”
Why? “I” statements help you communicate how something impacts you without putting the other person on the defensive. This keeps the focus on solutions, not blame.
2. Be Clear and Specific
Over-explaining or sugar coating can dilute your message and make your boundaries unclear. Saying what matters, directly and respectfully.
Instead of: “I might be able to do that, but I’m really swamped…”
Try: “I won’t be able to take that on this week. Can we look at another option?”
Why? Being clear helps others know where they stand and makes it more likely you’ll get the support or outcome you’re after.
3. Say No Without Guilt
You don’t need to apologise for having limits. Saying no assertively protects your time, reduces resentment, and helps others understand what’s realistic.
Instead of: “I’m so sorry, I just don’t think I can…”
Try: “I don’t have capacity to take this on right now.”
Why? Being able to let go of guilt is setting a respectful boundary - not a personal failure.
4. Let Your Body Match Your Words
People will often respond to your tone and body language even more than your actual words.
Instead of: speaking quickly, avoiding eye contact, or crossing your arms
Try: a steady tone, relaxed posture, and neutral eye contact. Show confidence, even when you feel a bit unsure.
Why? Assertive body language reinforces that your message is calm and intentional, not defensive or aggressive.
5. Practice in Low-Stakes Moments
Assertiveness is a muscle, and like any muscle, it gets stronger with use.
Instead of: waiting until pressure to say something in the heat of the moment
Try: practicing assertive communication in everyday moments, like giving feedback, making suggestions, or setting small boundaries.
Why? Regular use builds confidence and makes it easier to communicate clearly under pressure. Start small. It gets easier, and it pays off, both in how others respond to you, and how you feel about yourself at work.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that assertiveness makes you harder to work with. In reality, when you’re assertive, people know where you stand, conversations are clearer and expectations are more realistic. Assertiveness is about creating a respectful, communicative culture that benefits everyone. And that’s something every workplace could use more of.
